


The Lonely Haunts

by WormsOnAString



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I hate the lonely, M/M, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives), its important to me, mostly martin angst, no one is cis btw, request, self deprication, tho thats not important to the story, though Jon get's just a smidge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29590278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WormsOnAString/pseuds/WormsOnAString
Summary: When Jon and Martin arrive at the safe house, Martin realizes the effects of the lonely linger.Also a love confession
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	The Lonely Haunts

**Author's Note:**

> TWs: Self deprecation, mentions of isolation
> 
> please take care while reading this fic!

They stared at the house in front of them, refusing to look at each other. After everything that had just happened, actually processing the safety of being with someone else was almost too much for Martin to hope for. 

Unfortunately, that led to the two sitting in silence, too afraid to initiate anything for a good 10 minutes.

It was hell all over.

The tension grew with every second that passed, every tic from the engine whining set Martin on edge, neither knew what was happening, neither knew what to do next.

That was the scariest thing, the uncertainty of it all. They were in the middle of nowhere. No one could prove nothing terrible was going to happen. If something terrible happened, no one was there to help.

Martin could have sworn as he sat there in all of his own fear that the cold fog that had been his only companion for months was encroaching onto the vehicle from all sides.

He knew it was coming for him. Jon was not lonely. Jon was happy to sit here away from everyone.

The Lonely definitely was here for him. It wanted to keep him even now that he wanted nothing to do with it. God damn his mother. God damn the institute. God damn Elias, Sasha, Nikola, Lukas, god damn Jon. Why couldn’t they just  _ stay out of his life? _

Maybe Martin was fine with the fog coming back. Maybe he didn’t have to be scared of it. The fog would take him away from his troubles, after all.

“Well. This is the house, I suppose,” Jon spoke nonchalantly, his voice grated slightly at Martin’s skin. He had to resist the thoughts of the lonely, that he knew. But Jon’s voice interrupting his deep thought process wasn’t helping.

“Yes that… would be correct… this is the house,” The two fell back into their forced silence. The fog crowded into Martin, until it consumed his lungs, mind, and heart.

“Are we,” Jon spoke, “I mean are you… should we… you know... go inside?” 

Jon’s awkwardness was quite endearing to be honest. He had missed it while he was working.

He had missed a lot.

He had missed Jon, that was obvious.

The problem was Jon, sitting there still at the wheel, stiffness raked throughout his body, there was no way he could have missed him.

Martin would curse himself out for wasting his chances with Lukas but thinking back, did he ever really have a chance. All he had ever gotten from Jon before was scolding and cold shoulders. 

He really wasn’t missing out on anything.

“... Martin?” Jon pressed.

Oh yes. The safe house. Going in, that’s what Jon wanted. But Martin didn’t want that. The safe house was not good in the slightest. It was cold, standing there in front of them, not touched in years. It was empty, secluded far from the nearest town. It was Lonely.

In fact, Martin would rather be  _ anywhere  _ else.   
  


But what was Jon expecting him to respond with? 

Could he say no? 

Would Jon hate him if he did? (Assuming he didn’t already want to throw Martin in a ditch and drive away). 

Martin couldn’t read him, Jon wasn’t even looking his way. 

The realization came that he had spent so long in that  _ fucking  _ office that he couldn’t even remember the social cues of his boss.

God damn Peter Lukas was still ruining his life even after he was dead.

Oh god, Martin realized, Jon was probably already mad. 

Well fuck?

He couldn’t go in there, though.

He can’t go back. The Lonely stalks him everywhere. The Lonely reeks over the cabin. He can’t go in there.

He can’t go into that house.

But what about Jon. He couldn’t say no to Jon.

“Sure, let’s go!” his voice rang out against his will, taking up an octave trying to sound fine for Jon’s sake.

Well shoot. No going back now.

For Jon’s sake.

For Jon’s sake.

Unfortunately, Jon obviously didn’t believe the lie, his eyes turning to meet Martin’s. 

Wow. Who knew this man could actually care. Martin didn’t want to be cared for. He might not survive the warm feeling that fills your chest when you’re happy. Care would evaporate the fog but the fog was keeping Martin alive.

“Martin we don’t have to,” god damn why did he have to be so nice all of the sudden.

“It’s fine Jon,” the lie slipped out scarily fast.

“Are you sure Martin we’ve just been through a lot and I don’t wa-”

“I SAID I’M FINE JON.” Martin snapped. He didn’t mean for it to be harsh. He didn’t mean to scare Jon.

Seeing Jon flinch back though, Martin realized what he had done. The fog came fast after that filling the vehicle. Filling the yard. Jon swatted at it but it just slipped away.

Oh god. Fuck. Goddamn fuck. 

He was turning into his mom, he was a terrible person, why had Jon risked going into the Lonely for him of all people. He didn’t deserve it. Jon didn’t deserve this. Jon didn’t deserve him.

“Martin it’s… it’s ok, you’re ok,” Jon recovered and tried to grab his arm, a simple act of comfort that he knew the old him would lean into. But now it just felt wrong. 

“Get away from me,” Martin whispered hoarsely. He shivered at what he felt he was becoming, realizing the car had light condensation on the windows that was not there before. The smoky wisps in the air swirled around their heads, concealing them from each other. 

It was as if he was calling the Lonely as if he was consuming the Lonely with his every breath.

“I won’t, Martin I won’t go away. I’m not going anywhere.” Jon’s voice sounded so far away, void of emotion, “I won’t leave you.”

This was… so wrong. Martin couldn’t do this.

“Then I will.” The car door was already open, something he swore he didn’t do but thinking about the wrongness behind that was too much right now. It allowed for easy escape from the car and as Martin hopped out, he ran.

Not towards the house, not exactly away from Jon, just down the road. To some town or some field. Somewhere he could be alone. Martin sprinted as Jon called after him, sounds of struggle rang and the fog still lingered around Jon, obscuring his getaway.

So here he was, leaving the truck behind, ignoring the burning in his lungs as he pushed himself to run further.

Chasing himself to the middle of nowhere, he ran farther.

The evening fog was awfully thick today. He kept running.

No one seemed to be out today, his only company were the gazes of cows, grazing in the fields. He didn’t like the eyes. He didn’t like being watched. Keep running. Run farther.

Martin’s body felt lighter the longer he ran. Through the lull of his footsteps and heavy breaths he realized if he didn’t try and hold on, maybe he would simply float away.

In horror, he realized that seemed nice.

Get away from that thought. Keep. On. Running.

“Martin! Martin, wait!” Jon yelled from who knows how far away, his small frame full sprinting to catch up, “Martin I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you! Can we maybe talk about it?”

How had he managed to get out of the car? The fog was much too heavy. He shouldn’t have been able to have caught up.

Martin ran faster.

“Martin wait!” Jon was desperate, even Martin could see that. But even so, when his legs stopped, adrenaline pulsing throughout his body, his lungs singing in relief, he couldn’t help but be surprised at himself.

“Leave me alone Jon,” he shouted through the tinted white air before adding, “You don’t deserve me.”

“But don’t you think that’s a choice I should have,” he pleaded, “A choice we should discuss together?” 

Martin tried to ignore his logic, he really did. But Jon was right.

“I am… so damn tired of having my every move controlled by others, Martin,” He continued, “And I am positive you are, too. So let’s just sit, please,” his voice cracked. “Let’s talk this out. We don’t have to go back to the house. We don’t have to go anywhere. Just... let's talk.”

“Let’s talk” Jon’s voice came out more of a croak than anything, “Please.”

By the time Jon had finished his shouted words, they stood next to each other. Martin hadn’t even felt himself moving.

“I… I am… sorry… Jon,” He swallowed.

“Oh  _ nonononono _ , don’t you dare apologize it is… neither of our faults and blaming ourselves won’t help anyone.”

Martin sank to the floor on the edge of the road where rocks and dewy grass met and Jon, oh so patient Jon, he went down right with him.

Oh god, Jon deserved so much better. 

They didn’t say anything for a good long while. Jon’s arm was a grounding presence, reaching up awkwardly to rest on his shoulders. 

The only words said were Jon’s, encouraging him to walk back when the sky started to show the first signs of sunset. With a gentle nod from Martin, they got up and walked.

The road seemed oh so much longer than it was before and Martin wondered how far he had managed to run before he got stopped. Martin wondered how far Jon had run to catch up.

“Martin,” Speaking of Jon, “Do you… want to talk about it?” The darkness had creeped too far in for him to see Jon’s face but he knew he was looking at him.

Did he actually want to talk about it? What were the pros and cons? 

Pros, Jon would be… happy? Maybe? To be fair, Jon may also despise him.

Cons, Jon may despise him.

Impossible choices, why had they become so common?

“Maybe tomorrow?” His voice came out quiet, more of a question than anything and Jon seemed to consider this for a few seconds.

“Ok.” he nodded.

Ok? Was Jon really going to let this go? Martin stopped walking and Jon did, too, taking his cue to elaborate.

“I said ok Martin and I mean it. If you are not ready to talk about this right now I… I get that. Just know I love you and I won’t let you hide from it. I won’t let you become afraid of yourself.”

“Oh-oh,” Martin stuttered and John Mulaney played in the back of his mind.

**We don’t have time to unpack all that** . 

Martin felt the blush rise to his face and thanked god (thanked a giant overarching fear entity?) that it was dark.

“Martin?” Jon asked lightly as he realized once again the silence had overcome the two.

“Yeah Jon?” His voice was calmer now, the fog that had been following his every move earlier now barely there.

“Can I… you know, can… can I-”

“Jon? Are you… ok?” He grabbed the smaller man’s arm.

Stilling, Jon seemed to have realized the panic he has caused and straightened, “Yes Martin, I am quite fine,” Practiced smiles and straightened back, Martin may not remember Jon’s mannerisms but anyone who had spent time with him could realize he was trying not to panic, “Shall we keep walking?” he asked smoothly.

“Jon,” Martin stared, “Now it’s my turn to be worried. Let me help you, too. What’s wrong?” 

Jon grasped for words for a few seconds, he sounded a bit like a strangled cat.

“If you get a pass so do I,” he spoke finally.

“Mhmm, and how do we know that we both won’t just ignore it. And don’t look at me like that, we both know we will do it.”

“Martin,” Jon warned, though it was not a threat. It was more a plea to stop.

“Jon.” No. Martin would not back down from this. He… loved this man. Regardless of reciprocated feelings.

Stares pierced and they left a lifetime of marks. It was only when Jon noticed the swirls of fog pooling at his feet that he broke, “You tell me yours I’ll tell you mine.” 

A compromise. A deal. As little as Martin wanted to make any more of those, he could recognize the opportunity.

“Fine,” he deadpanned.

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

Silence.

“I-” Martin and Jon went at the same time.

Silence hit once again.

“I’ll go-”

They spoke double before bursting into tense, though genuine laughter.

“We will be… living together. Maybe we should work on our communication.” Martin smiled for the first time in a while.

“Yeah... we probably should do that.” There was a sparkle in Jon’s eye that lit up the night around them. Martin would do anything for that smile.

“I’ll go first I guess… umm-” Martin decided. Be brave, for Jon.

Silence.

Oh god, this was so much harder than Martin had ever expected it to be, “I don’t think that The Lonely is... completely gone, Jon. I don’t think… I’m safe for you. I don’t think I’m good for you.”

“Oh!” Jon exclaimed lightly as he let out a laugh

That was not the response he had exactly… expected. In fact it wasn’t the response he had expected at all..

“Oh?” Martin cocked his head, confused.

“I thought you had like… started the apocalypse or something.” Jon laughed, “Honestly, that isn’t bad at all! Well, I mean it is but like in comparison to everything and what could have happened which I know isn’t a valid excuse and-” he cut himself off realizing the ramble. _ “ _ In all honestly I don’t think The Eye is completely gone, either,” he paused, “I don’t… I don’t think it ever will be. We just have to… work on it. You know?”

“Oh,” Martin smiled, “Yeah, I know.” And he did. He did know. He and Jon may be the only people in the world that could ever possibly know. And here they were, together on a Scotish country side.

“Well then, I guess the second thing,” Martin laughed, speaking was… a lot easier now, “The house. Can we… not go into it tonight?”

Jon thought it over for a few seconds, not in protest, simply to find a solution.

“I have some blankets in the trunk and I saw a tree about a mile out if you would want to stay there instead, it’s not supposed to get colder than this, no precipitation, no clouds. We could work it out.”

That was oddly specific.

“Jon did you bring your phone out here?” He queried.

It was Jon’s turn to be confused, “What do you mean?”

“It’s just, I haven’t seen you on your phone at all and… I don’t know, it seems strange how you knOH oh! Freaky Eye Powers,” Martin figured it out.

He laughed a bit, “Yes, unfortunately, those are still there. But don’t worry, I have some statements I can read while we wait it out up here!” He did little jazz hands at the end of the sentence, it seemed a bit out of character but no matter.

It was cute, Martin would not lie.

Jon pouted, “Don’t you dare think I’m cute,” he laughed.

“W-What how did you know that?” 

“Your face gave it right away. Don’t even  _ think about it _ .” Jon wagged his finger in Martin’s face comically.

“I wouldn’t dare.” He said as he most definitely dared.

Maybe this night didn’t have to end badly.

***

“Hey Jon?” Martin asked as they spread out the blankets beneath them. The tree was large and shaded. Fields went out in all directions and the wind blew bells wrapped in the tree branches into a gentle chime.

“Hmm?” Jon hummed.

“I don’t… want to push or anything but… what was your confession back there? I just realized we never really… got to you.”

“Oh… uh,” Jon stuttered a bit. Oh boy, Martin wouldn’t lie, he was a bit nervous at how Jon would respond.

“ _ Don’tFeelAnyObligationToTellMeThoughThere’sHonestlyNoRushSoSorryIAsked-”  _ Martin rushed, he really didn’t want to ruin any of the progression and dialogue they had had in the past hour-ish.

Jon instantly turned around at Martin’s brief panic, reaching his arm up and putting it awkwardly on his shoulder, “Martin, Martin look at me? Please” He asked, “I want you to breathe before I say anything.”

Their eyes met and Martin sighed heavily.

“I was… simply going to say that… I meant what I said earlier…” He was struggling and Martin bent down a bit to hold his other hand.

God hopefully this wasn’t like… a major boundary violation.

Jon breathed, “Martin I… I love you and I am… I am  _ so  _ sorry that it took me this long.”

“I am so so sorry, Martin. But I love you. I love you so much.”

“O _ h?”  _ Martin whispered, daring not to hope.

“Oh,” Jon glanced down at their connected hands. The two stood there in silence. A comfortable one, one that filled their time and went on forever.

“Martin,” Jon whispered as if he didn’t want to break something precious. The fragile flame that was trying to burn.

“Yeah Jon?” 

“Can I kiss you?” 

He laughed and made up his own damn mind for the first time in a while, “Yeah Jon. Yeah, you can.”

Immediately all tension left Jon’s stance. He stood on his tiptoes and looked up.

The kiss… it was… so gentle. It was so sweet. It was perfectly Jon. 

At that moment, Martin did not need anything more, only Jon’s arms over his shoulders, only his eyes sparkling in the night.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hihi! This was a request from Tumblr! You can request fics here! https://chethaunts.tumblr.com/
> 
> Also join this TMA discord, the people are really nice! https://discord.gg/rJRyzykyFg
> 
> As always take care of yourself! Eat a snack, drink some water!
> 
> You're the best!  
> Worms


End file.
